I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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