so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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