This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
