Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
well you can't waste a boner
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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