I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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