I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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