sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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