I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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