The maid of honor just puked.
another moral hangover. fuck.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
