I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
