and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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