Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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