I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
