Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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