is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
