sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
