I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
