Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
