Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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