Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
