my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
