your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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