He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Duck Duck Cougar?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
