I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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