I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
