WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
