Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize