my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
