May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
