i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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