You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I cut my penus on the lid.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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