if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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