Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
