I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
