i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
