he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
