I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
