I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
