What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
