I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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