does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
