Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
