my phone needs a breathalizer
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
