Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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