Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
