About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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