Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
