oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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