I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just threw up on my dentist
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
