Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
