I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
