Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
her vagine was all disorganized.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
