I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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