Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
