Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
