I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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