I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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