So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize