Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
