I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
