I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No subtext here. People are naked.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
