Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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