I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
