I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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