Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
