I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
