Umm I'm too high to move.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize