New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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