Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize